Some days you just need to

Funny Friday
Some days we just need mindless, silly words and a picture of a black belt Heifer. At least I do!

-Gentle Thoughts for Today -

• Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.

• A penny saved is a government oversight.

• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

• The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

•  Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

• Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

• Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

• Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

• When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Calculus.

• You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

• One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

• Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . .. . . . .

 

AMEN!

On the wrong side of every door

Funny Friday

Staying true to the premise...1st thought and 5 minutes. A very light hearted thread of how our word struck me today.

TRUST:

I let one in, the other goes out. They stand on opposite sides of the door studying each other.
When the door is closed they intuitively know the other is just outside waiting to come in, and beckon their people. They trust us purely for not only sustenance, but that we will drop whatever we are doing to open that door :-)

With just an expression, I discern their desire for sister to be let in.
Each look out for one another and summon us to their tag teaming & plotting.
Sometimes they both sit on the same side of the door peering out...
I sit back and wonder, "what could they possibly be sitting there dreaming about"?

T.S Elliot, wrote a poem called the The Rum Tum Tugger.  There is a phrase in the second stanza,

"When you let me in, then I want to go out  I’m always on the wrong side of every door

"He's always on the wrong side of every door"

Oh to be as pure & trusting in my Heavenly Father as our sweet pets are in us. How patient He is as I run circles around myself feeling like I'm on the wrong side of the door, while He just continually opens it & smiles :-)

Taking the plunge with Lisa-Jo and a throng of other fun women for 5 min of writing. Come what may, come what might.

Towanda buys a Valentines day card

Funny Fridays
 

A friend recently sent me the below video of a hairy parking lot scene which was quite reminiscent of a scene from the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes."

I'm not saying it's right, but I will admit there is something a little cathartic to my bones when taking in the below clips.

We have all had similar situations. If not in a parking lot then at the gas station, at our children's school, standing in line at the grocery store or maybe even in the post office.

Why even today I was standing in the massive card isle at a superstore. Enjoying precious rare moments alone to pick the perfect Valentines day cards for my children. Not a soul in sight.

Out of the blue, stands a woman behind me so close I could feel her BREATH ON MY HAIR. She literally (no exaggeration) physically reached for a card in front and to the other side of me which TOTALLY pushed me back.

• First thought: "There must be a camera. If I'm going to be on candid camera or something I need to behave."

No camera!

• Second thought.."Maybe she has special needs". I studied her....

NO, she was humming along like it was THE BEST DAY OF HER LIFE!

My inner Towanda (flesh) was screaming. 

• Third thought: Throwing my card at her while yelling "Look lady back off you have a 300' row of cards to look at do you really need to read the card I'm holding in my HANDS"

Meanwhile the Holy Spirit was saying LOVE JOY PEACE PATIENCE GENTLENESS LOVE JOY PEACE PATIENCE GENTLENESSLOVE JOY PEACE PATIENCE GENTLENESS LOVE JOY PEACE PATIENCE GENTLENESS....

So the moral is this: Thoughts (temptations) are just that. We have one, we chew on it and we either act on it or hand it to the Lord.
Though I've wanted to ram my car door a few times, smash into a car that has just behaved badly, ram my shopping cart into the back of someone who just cut in front of me, pull the moms hair whose kid is a spoiled bully or slap a woman with my Valentines day card, I don't.

Why? Well I don't want to get arrested.

But more importantly I love the Lord and well, He is a God of L O V E! Seriously how would I explain to my children...

Well kids I was standing in the Valentines section looking at cards all about love and I don't know I just pushed her down....?

I can however laugh a little at the genius of mans creativity and sense of humor as obviously I'm not the only one who has ever contemplated these things =)





Towanda in the Winn Dixie parking lot

Dog diary vs cat diary

Funny Friday

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

Stashing

Funny Friday

~photo via pintrest~

LoL

Funny Friday



Sense of Freshness

Funny Friday

A while ago a new supermarket opened in Las Vegas, NV. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.  Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

 When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

Let's Yahoo it!!

Funny Friday

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

 Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's tough.
Sincerely,
The Titanic


Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying..
Sincerely,
Google

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely,
Jack

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God


Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely,
United States

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman


Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies


Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore


Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What now?
Sincerely,
Leonardo Di Caprio

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. NO! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

Why dogs bite people

Funny Friday

Fourth Marriage

Funny Friday

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.

He then asked about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. After reflecting briefly, she explained that she had first married a banker in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, and a preacher when in her 60s and, now in her 80s, a funeral director.

 The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained,
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

 
 

 

Humor, Laughter and Helium

Funny Friday

As we approach Valentines Day and I ponder my love relationship, I can't help but think of all the awesome, tough, fun, and adventurous times we have had doing life together.

However it's the funny moments that stand out most.

The short sheeting, Putting dog treats in his lunch, finding a plastic roach in my box of fast food, throwing a cold cup of water on him while he showers, him answering the phone and handing it to me like it's an important call, only to realize it's just a phone solicitor, and to this day I continue to load the dishwasher in haphazard manner. As though I'm organizedly (is that a word?) challenged, knowing he being the ultimate organizer, will come show me the correct way of doing it...

EVERY SINGLE TIME!

That's alright though because he incessantly feels the need to find his way into the majority of my photos. He has an embedded photo op GPS.
Try as I might to capture precious, memorable, poetic and serious moments with my camera, there it is.
I'm sitting with sweaty palms waiting for the motherload to upload, rejoicing with anticipation when I hear the ding and wala.


And THERE HE IS in all his glory IN ALMOST EVERY SINGLE SHOT. Picking his nose, scratching his behind or belly among other things.

One of the great joys of marriage is the time that you, as a couple, spend laughing together and enjoying your sense of humor...all while holding hands and inhaling your childrens birthday balloons.

Take it from these professionals:

Legendary comedian Bob Hope said laughter is an “instant vacation.” Jay Leno says, “You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.” And Bill Cosby says, “If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.”