Of Death and Dying…

My dear friend Laurie is traversing down similar paths and life rhythms with me in this moment. Terraced with rocks and cliffs, valleys, mountain tops, weeds as well as flowers, tears of joy and sorrow all in one space.

Attempting to allow life to infuse it's circle into our understanding and soak in every ornamental detail. Walking with loved ones as they breathe their last of this earthly air and inhale deeply their first taste of His kingdom is a daunting task that can only be understood in the journey.

Today is her expression of this journey...

Darrol and Glenda

It’s been a difficult week.  You see, my husband’s father was diagnosed with the “C” word last week… and the “C” is aggressive – it has started invading many of his vital organs and, according to the doctor, this sweet man has very little time left here on this earth. 

This news not only thrust my heart into grieving  - both for my loss and, even more so, my

husband’s – but it touched a nerve causing feelings to resurface relating to my own experience of

losing a parent.  Ten years ago this month – yes, a month where holidays are in full swing, a month

sanctioned for ‘giving thanks’ - my mom was also diagnosed with cancer..stage 3 lung cancer.  I could

not imagine getting worse news – it tore all of our hearts in two – and left my dad’s in pieces. 

I went on to watch her go through treatments and occasionally see glimmers of hope, only to have those hopes dashed as time marched on with no apparent bodily healing in store for her.  I watched her lose her appetite and slowly fade away.  As the cancer took more and more, she became less and less.  As she lay in the hospital in a coma, I felt compelled to remain with her and witness her exiting this life and entering the next.  And then…the last breath…and I felt like all the breath in my body went with her – her gasp was my gasp… – not unlike having the wind knocked out of you.  For those of us who have been privileged to know and love our mothers and be loved back, their death can feel almost like a second cutting of the umbilical cord…only this time you are very, very cognizant of the separation.  It’s so indescribable, and, as odd as this sounds, I think the writers of Grey’s Anatomy really captured it best in the clip below…

“I don’t know how to exist in a world where my dad


doesn’t…”

These words described perfectly how I felt losing my mom.

The other night I tried to insist to my husband that he should ‘let me in’ to his grief - that I knew what he was going through – but does anyone really know what someone else is going through at the core of their being when death makes its grand entrance into their life?  Even though I had gone through similar circumstances, I quickly realized I don’t know.  As I’ve watched him processing his pain and imminent loss so differently than I processed mine, it suddenly seems presumptuous and preposterous to even make such a declaration.

There’s a  clandestine nature to death by cancer – the way it creeps in silently, snatching everything within its greedy reach, then leaves loudly, taking hostage the one you loved so deeply.  Death is like Satan’s lover.  It brings with it a wave of darkness affecting everyone in its path by its thievery, and, in some cases, dredging up raw emotions as if it were digging graves in our very souls.       

BUT…

Jesus conquered this villain and death’s defeat is our

 victory. 

And this victory ushers in a host of opportunities…opportunities to mend relationships; opportunities to heal spiritually even when physical healing doesn’t come; opportunities to move into the “L” word – LOVE.  A space of time is created to allow us to love deliberately and with abandon.  There is nothing left to lose.  And then, within the ugliness of death, emerges love-drenched life. 

Laurie

Closely knitted to my heart

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Most importantly: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!

For fun, for love of the sound of words, for play, for delight, for joy and celebration at the art of communication.
For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.
Won’t you join us?

UNEXPECTED:

GO

I keep touching on the subject in conversations and on my keyboard. I didn't expect to feel such sadness at those words. I mean we have been expecting it for quite some time. Preparing and stealing ourselves for such a time as this.

He is ready, has been for a couple of years now. Ready to meet his precious Creator that he has diligently talked and taught about for years.

"Yes Mame", he says to my sweet Betty, "I do believe Ruben has 6 months or less to live"

I'm a nurse, I've watched his slow and steady decline since they moved in with us. Twenty pounds evaporated in just the last few months. I knew going into this appointment what words would be spoken, but...

Just last Thanksgiving I was giving thanks at how well he was doing and how he seemed to be thriving in our midst.
In fact as I swirl through past posts I see several dedicated to just my heart bursting at the seams for them and their love story.

Six months left to live.... I've sat with patients who've just received such news but never one so closely knitted to my heart.
I watched my sweet Betty's face, noting every blink, every tremble of the lip, and every attempt to sit strong and brave. Their frail fingers intertwined so very tight.

From the very beginning I believed with all my heart that we were doing the best we could for my husbands parents. Bringing them home with us, tending to and loving them. But...

I was wrong!

As I look back it is WE who have been tended to. It is WE who have been blessed! Just when we think we are doing unto others, it is HE doing unto us!

STOP

Go for it!

Tuesday's Quotes

 

 

His first Marathon.

My other family♥

Creating Empty Space

Elusive Balance

“Balance is beautiful.”

- Miyoko Ohno, Japanese bridge designer-

Working mothers have a tough time achieving balance between work, family, fitness not to mention the filling of our spiritual and emotional well being cups. At least this here mother does!
My struggle has and probably always will be in CREATING EMPTY SPACE.

I've managed to carve cathartic all too fleeting moments out of my week to reflect and write, a once (not often enough) a month massage, even time to cook on my one "leisurely" day off.
I make time for my family, and loved ones, but I tend to neglect myself. Why?

I become derailed from the track I attempt to set out on.

We are not born with balance.
Babies can't balance well enough to sit up, let alone walk. Their emotions vacillate wildly. A baby can be crying loudly one minute, laughing the next, and fast asleep a few minutes later. How do we ever get these emotional swings under control?

Identifying barriers to balanced living can well, in itself throw me off kilter.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”

- Albert Einstein-

Even a year ago I would have added an "Amen Albert" to the end of that quote but...
my axis has shifted.
I don't pretend to have the answers. What I do have is a tenacious spirit. My Daddy gave me that.
A curiosity and drive to fill my purpose but a new found passion to sit at His feet quietly and listen.
To breathe, unstirring, hushed...quiet.

For me, being centered in the Savior centers my earthly plane to more of a degree than any self help book, article, website or reality talk show EVER could.

With my GPS set on Him I find I don't attempt to carry the world quite as much. Oh I set my spiritual balancing scales down from time to time but I'm finding the span of time between takes to be shorter.

As I wrote about IN THE UNEXPECTED

There is a moment. A moment after the final lilting note. A pause as the note fades and lingers into almost silence, then applause. It's in THAT moment, in the quiet, that I find so much delicacy so much potency and blessing.

As in the best decorated room an imagination can conjure up, draw your eye to the EMPTY SPACES because it's there where I believe the real harmony lies. Thank you Lord for helping me to look towards You and capturing a rhythm that no earthly metronome could contain!

#88- 100
Clarity

Peace

Breath

Simple

Windy days

Waking up to birds singing

Inviting friends in

Laughing...at myself...at life...and yes sometimes at others

Getting caught up in ridiculous youtube videos

My children

A great husband

Oh nooooo the discovery of Lay's kettle cooked CREAMY MEDITERRANEAN HERB CHIPS!!!!

The blessing and promises a new week holds

Endurance

Hebrews 12:1-3

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.


Acts 20:24
However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.