Sense of Freshness

Funny Friday

A while ago a new supermarket opened in Las Vegas, NV. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.  Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

 When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

Giving Up Chocolate?

Funny Friday


I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.


I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy chocolate with it instead of dinner?'


'No, I had to stop eating chocolate years ago', the homeless woman told me.


'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.


'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'


'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.


'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'


'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money.. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'


The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'


I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and chocolate.'

Funny Friday

                *Pregnant Turkey*

 

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick.

She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the
turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs! Yep..................SHE'S BLONDE!

♥

Funny Friday

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,

'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs... One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it..

What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out... 'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

Funny Friday

My friend Tracy sent me the funniest post some time back! It's a post to beat all posts. I laughed until I had to run to the bathroom. It is so right on and something EVERY woman that is married can relate to!!
The post is from BiancaJuarez and though from the perspective of a newlywed, I can vouch after 22+ years of marriage...some things NEVER change. Thank you Bianca for your humorous and insightful view into the male psyche!

Language decoder…

Inthenameoflove has produced a language decoder for men! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, after exhaustive research [five weeks of marriage], development [humorous banter], and noted market value [free conflict resolution tips], you can enjoy the ability to understand what your wife really means when she chooses to use words indicating something else!


[This ad has been approved by Olthoff Incorporated. All rights reserved.]


What I said: It’s been a long day and I’m so hungry.
What Matt heard: I’m making something simple for dinner.
What I meant: Can you take me out to dinner?


What I said: Wow, my closet is so empty!
What Matt heard: My closet is empty.
What I meant: I need clothes!


What I said: I’m not emotional and I’m not overreacting!
What Matt heard: I’m emotional and overreacting!
What I meant: Don’t look at me like I’m crazy!


What I said: How much do you love me?
What Matt heard: How much do you love me?
What I meant: I’m going to ask for something expensive!


What I said: What do you think of this outfit?
What Matt heard: What do you think of my outfit?
What I meant: Tell me you think I’m beautiful.


What I said: Sure. Do it if you want to.
What Matt heard: That’s a great idea.
What I meant: I don’t want you to.


What I said: Are you serious?!
What Matt heard: Are you serious?!
What I meant: You can’t be serious.


What I said: I love you so much.
What Matt heard: I want you.


What I said: You look so handsome today!
What Matt heard: I want you!


What I said: I missed you today.
What Matt heard: I want you.

1,000 WORD THURSDAY

Deliverance out of bondage and distress to LAUGHTER!

Psalm 126:2
"Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, The LORD has done great things for them.”