How do we love in the difficult places

Wednesday's Word
♥
With Valentines day behind  I find myself still beset with thoughts of
 

  Love... Twu Wuv

As I wrote abstractly to what true love birthed in maturity looks like here...

 "A gritty and grainy kind of love" 

...This is more of a "HOW TO"  through the grit and grain that rubs our relationship raw like sandpaper on weathered lumber. (which if you think on it is a good thing as the wood becomes fresh and like new)

When our flesh is weary, our patience spent, and our creativity exhausted. When illness draws out, when the "grass seems greener", when temptation threatens to take over. When we allow disregard, routine or boredom open us to flattery outside our marriage. When diapers pile and bathtubs are grey and work calls out. When angry words that grip our memory cause our flesh to recoil at his touch and our heart to chill. When the paycheck doesn't meet the bills and when in laws get in the way. When we can't agree on how to parent and discipline...

These "whens" pile up like unfolded laundry.

Often it's not even in storms but a calm harbor and sunny skies where we find ourselves distracted and vulnerable. In fact I believe with all my heart that it's in the daily life of the mundane and oftentimes seemingly unrewarding tasks, that tempt us to lose perspective of who we now are in Christ as a woman and as a couple.

How do we love in the difficult places?

For me,  it all comes under the heading of this one simple phrase:

Crucify"Self"
Galations 2:20

In other words...deny myself.

It's a simple awareness and admission of my "self" tendencies. Carry this discernment into a life like a finely etched mirror. For each of us the list will vary but overall we are fairly similar. If we glance now and again into this mirror of discernment we can see where we might need some momentum.

These that fall under the Heading of Cruicfy, for me!

• Patient tounge
• Responding with I'm sorry first
• Saying thank you
• Flirt with him when all I want to do is slop in sweats and unshaven legs
• Following his leadership when every cell in my body screams to BE IN CHARGE
• Not inviting or entertaining flattery from any other man than my husband. This grows ego...ego chokes out areas where God does His deepest work. Denying ungodly and worldly desires!
• Forgiving even when not asked for or deserved
• Putting his needs first when all I prefer in the moment is me Me ME!
• Paying attention to my motives and not manipulating for my own personal gain.
• Humility (I struggle with this one) I am a pround independant woman. I'm constantly asking the Lord to crucify this area.
• Making love with Him even though I risk falling asleep, because He needs me.
• Building him up even when I may be thinking...you have got to be kidding me.
• Being his help mate, not bully factor . Words come quick and sharp. I can cut him to shreds before he blinks. (I also loathe this seed in me and thankfully with age this has mellowed.)
• Spontaneity
• Grace
• Grace
• Grace!!!

These are but a few of my "how toos" I embrace...(work at). I surely haven't arrived.
 Anticipating a mature gritty and eternal love with my best friend and husband!

"If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."

~photo via pintrest~

Brussel sprouts and humble sauce

Marriage Language decoder part deux

Not even a dazed deer in the headlights could have appeared more frightened and full of trepidation. I think I might have spotted a bead of sweat on his temple. Looks warned me that I was treading right into the “THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER” game show, but I hit the buzzer anyway!

I know better... but I just couldn’t help myself.

Babe I’ve lost more weight this week can you tell?
“Ummmmm”
What do you mean UMMMMM?
“Do you want me to lie here or tell the truth?”
Unsure if I should bust out in laughter, pinch him or act my age…
Yes!!! “I want you to lie, Have I not made that clear over the last twenty plus years?”

“Lie until I smile!!!”

I think of a post from October "LANGUAGE DECODER".
I jest but marriage and relationships can be pretty tough at times. I think oft of the poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson

“I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all”

I find my continual struggle being that of humility and vulnerability. I like being vulnerable about as much as I like brussel sprouts, need I say more? Being strong and courageous has helped me survive some tremendous obstacles in life but it has also become a “yoke” around my neck at times. Having pride has enabled me to accomplish when I was told I never would. It’s all about pride and humility isn’t it?

Yes Lord I will take some humble sauce over my brussel sprouts.

‘Marriage requires attention, the moment you stop working on your marriage is the moment it begins to falter’

As crazy as we can make each other we equally and in an even greater way complement one another.

The flip side to being vulnerable is you get hurt sometimes. Without being open to hurt, you won’t be open to the joys of marriage and relationships. I love this quote…

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."

— Bob Marley

When we have difficulty humbling ourselves before man, it’s a sure sign that we have not humbled ourselves before God either. There is a time to give and a time to receive.

1 Peter 5:6-7

So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.

Sooo to be perfectly real here, taking in the verse above as literal as I can, "Don't put on airs" could be interpreted in such a manner that I would need to respond in truth...by just chucking something at that cape wearing hero of truth. The man I love my husband. Obviously making it a soft something.

#60 Communication
#61 Brussel sprouts
#62 Humble sauce
#64 My husband (again :)
#65 Laughter (again :)
#66 Weight loss
#67 Food :-)
#68 Tim Hawkins "The Wife song"

Tim Hawkins - The Wife Song - watch more funny videos

Humor, Laughter and Helium

Funny Friday

As we approach Valentines Day and I ponder my love relationship, I can't help but think of all the awesome, tough, fun, and adventurous times we have had doing life together.

However it's the funny moments that stand out most.

The short sheeting, Putting dog treats in his lunch, finding a plastic roach in my box of fast food, throwing a cold cup of water on him while he showers, him answering the phone and handing it to me like it's an important call, only to realize it's just a phone solicitor, and to this day I continue to load the dishwasher in haphazard manner. As though I'm organizedly (is that a word?) challenged, knowing he being the ultimate organizer, will come show me the correct way of doing it...

EVERY SINGLE TIME!

That's alright though because he incessantly feels the need to find his way into the majority of my photos. He has an embedded photo op GPS.
Try as I might to capture precious, memorable, poetic and serious moments with my camera, there it is.
I'm sitting with sweaty palms waiting for the motherload to upload, rejoicing with anticipation when I hear the ding and wala.


And THERE HE IS in all his glory IN ALMOST EVERY SINGLE SHOT. Picking his nose, scratching his behind or belly among other things.

One of the great joys of marriage is the time that you, as a couple, spend laughing together and enjoying your sense of humor...all while holding hands and inhaling your childrens birthday balloons.

Take it from these professionals:

Legendary comedian Bob Hope said laughter is an “instant vacation.” Jay Leno says, “You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.” And Bill Cosby says, “If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.”

Funny Friday

My friend Tracy sent me the funniest post some time back! It's a post to beat all posts. I laughed until I had to run to the bathroom. It is so right on and something EVERY woman that is married can relate to!!
The post is from BiancaJuarez and though from the perspective of a newlywed, I can vouch after 22+ years of marriage...some things NEVER change. Thank you Bianca for your humorous and insightful view into the male psyche!

Language decoder…

Inthenameoflove has produced a language decoder for men! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, after exhaustive research [five weeks of marriage], development [humorous banter], and noted market value [free conflict resolution tips], you can enjoy the ability to understand what your wife really means when she chooses to use words indicating something else!


[This ad has been approved by Olthoff Incorporated. All rights reserved.]


What I said: It’s been a long day and I’m so hungry.
What Matt heard: I’m making something simple for dinner.
What I meant: Can you take me out to dinner?


What I said: Wow, my closet is so empty!
What Matt heard: My closet is empty.
What I meant: I need clothes!


What I said: I’m not emotional and I’m not overreacting!
What Matt heard: I’m emotional and overreacting!
What I meant: Don’t look at me like I’m crazy!


What I said: How much do you love me?
What Matt heard: How much do you love me?
What I meant: I’m going to ask for something expensive!


What I said: What do you think of this outfit?
What Matt heard: What do you think of my outfit?
What I meant: Tell me you think I’m beautiful.


What I said: Sure. Do it if you want to.
What Matt heard: That’s a great idea.
What I meant: I don’t want you to.


What I said: Are you serious?!
What Matt heard: Are you serious?!
What I meant: You can’t be serious.


What I said: I love you so much.
What Matt heard: I want you.


What I said: You look so handsome today!
What Matt heard: I want you!


What I said: I missed you today.
What Matt heard: I want you.