Monday, October 10, 2011

Heavy hearted but not hopeless

Today I miss you.....
I walk this week searching for His understanding, for His resolutions, for His assurance, His peace.
Such numbness to my core and a sting to my heart. Wrestling with a lack of understanding. Knowing God in His goodness, trusting His bearing yet probing so intently.
The death of a loved one that comes so unexpectedly. Could I have done more, should I have known time was short?

"The measure of life, after all, is not its duration, but its donation."
- Peter Marshall

Many years ago dad brought you Clarence into our lives. Your story so sad but yet so hopeful. You were plucked a  precious innocent gem from a sea of loss and despair.

I didn't accept you fully at first but your innocence that would remain forever, touched the core of my being. I watched you grow and look up to our dad with such awe. You wanted so much to be just like him. To be quite honest I was jealous of how close you two became...

I find guilt so easily as I rummage though years of memories . Did I love openly and thoroughly, did you know I loved you dearly?
Was I patient even though I understood the special needs that called out your name? Did I exemplify all that a sister should?

My sleep does not come easy and my dreams are in discontent.

As I approach this day where I count my blessings I find it so laborious. There is no natural ease with this task I approach.

Fear No More

(The poem is a type of funeral song in four stanzas of six lines each.
The song is an attempt to find consolation in the death of a loved one.)
Fear no more the heat o' the sun; Nor the furious winter's rages,
Thou thy worldly task hast done, Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages;
Golden lads and girls all must, As chimney sweepers come to dust.

Fear no more the frown of the great, Thou art past the tyrant's stroke:
Care no more to clothe and eat; To thee the reed is as the oak:
The sceptre, learning, physic, must All follow this, and come to dust.

Fear no more the lightning-flash, Nor the all-dread thunder-stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash; Thou hast finished joy and moan;
All lovers young, all lovers must Consign to thee, and come to dust.

No exorciser harm thee! Nor no witchcraft charm thee!
Ghost unlaid forbear thee!  Nothing ill come near thee!
Quiet consummation have; And renowned be thy grave
~ William Shakespeare ~


The One that is the Creator of all mankind.

Clarence Gortmaker

(may at last find peace my brother)

aka "Wrecking Ball"



  1. is this the clarence willard gortmaker from delta junction, alaska? mon is carol friend?

  2. Ok I misspelled some words, sorry. I am inquiring if this is the clarence Willard Gortmaker from Delta Junction, Alaska and his moms name is Carol Friend (Patterson) ? Someone said he was in the Sundays edition of the paper in the obituary but cannot find anything, would you be able to tell me if this is the same person and if he has passed away and what in the world happened? Thank you,

  3. you are welcome to email me