Wednesday, February 22, 2012

How do we love in the difficult places

Wednesday's Word

With Valentines day behind  I find myself still beset with thoughts of

  Love... Twu Wuv

As I wrote abstractly to what true love birthed in maturity looks like here...

 "A gritty and grainy kind of love" 

...This is more of a "HOW TO"  through the grit and grain that rubs our relationship raw like sandpaper on weathered lumber. (which if you think on it is a good thing as the wood becomes fresh and like new)

When our flesh is weary, our patience spent, and our creativity exhausted. When illness draws out, when the "grass seems greener", when temptation threatens to take over. When we allow disregard, routine or boredom open us to flattery outside our marriage. When diapers pile and bathtubs are grey and work calls out. When angry words that grip our memory cause our flesh to recoil at his touch and our heart to chill. When the paycheck doesn't meet the bills and when in laws get in the way. When we can't agree on how to parent and discipline...

These "whens" pile up like unfolded laundry.

Often it's not even in storms but a calm harbor and sunny skies where we find ourselves distracted and vulnerable. In fact I believe with all my heart that it's in the daily life of the mundane and oftentimes seemingly unrewarding tasks, that tempt us to lose perspective of who we now are in Christ as a woman and as a couple.

How do we love in the difficult places?

For me,  it all comes under the heading of this one simple phrase:
In other words...deny myself.

It's a simple awareness and admission of my "self" tendencies. Carry this discernment into a life like a finely etched mirror. For each of us the list will vary but overall we are fairly similar. If we glance now and again into this mirror of discernment we can see where we might need some momentum.

These that fall under the Heading of Cruicfy, for me!
  • Patient tounge
  • Responding with I'm sorry first
  • Saying thank you
  • Flirt with him when all I want to do is slop in sweats and unshaven legs
  • Following his leadership when every cell in my body screams to BE IN CHARGE
  • Not inviting or entertaining flattery from any other man than my husband. This grows ego...ego chokes out areas where God does His deepest work. Denying ungodly and worldly desires!
  • Forgiving even when not asked for or deserved
  • Putting his needs first when all I prefer in the moment is me Me ME!
  • Humility (I struggle with this one) I am a pround independant woman. I'm constantly asking the Lord to crucify this area.
  • Making love with Him even though I risk falling asleep, because He needs me.
  • Building him up even when I may be have got to be kidding me.
  • Being his help mate, not bully factor . Words come quick and sharp. I can cut him to shreds before he blinks. (I also loathe this seed in me and thankfully with age this has mellowed.)
  • Spontaneity
  • Grace
  • Grace
  • Grace!!!
These are but a few of my "how toos" I embrace...(work at). I surely haven't arrived.
 Anticipating a mature gritty and eternal love with my best friend and husband!

~photo via pintrest~


  1. I love how when I need a word or two, you seem to have the ones I need. Today, you had all the words! Thanks Friend!

  2. Girl so glad to encourage your heart today. Hang in there at ONE DAY AT A TIME.
    Blessings :)

  3. LOL, I definitely need to work on the trying not to fall asleep while making love thing. I'm always so tired at night :) Love this post!

  4. Well I'm glad I'm not alone Rach :) Thanks for popping in.